You’ve booked the venue, you’ve got your catering deposit paid, and now it’s time for some fun stuff. Wedding colors, engagement parties, and cake tasting might be on the horizon, but when it comes to your guests – it will only be a matter of time before they start asking where they can shop.
The dreaded (or welcomed) wedding registry can cause some etiquette issues to arise among other things. While some couples welcome getting free stuff from all of their friends and family members, others balk at the idea of including registry information in their invitation suite. So, what’s the right answer? Despite what you may hear from others, wedding registries are totally up to you and your future spouse (as is most everything wedding…after all, it is yours!). That being said, navigating this choice can be a difficult one. Here are some thoughts to consider when choosing whether to grab that scanner gun and go to town or run the opposite direction.
To begin with – wedding registries originated in the 1920s…at Macy’s. Before this, wedding guests weren’t expected to bring anything but themselves to your special day. Macy’s invented the gift registry as a way for friends and families to honor the couple’s marriage by gifting them with a special token, and making sure it was something the couple wanted!
Wedding gifts may have been exclusive to the bride’s family as part of a dowry or agreement. This was done to ensure the bride was properly taken care of and comfortable. Later on, there were hope chests where young unmarried women would collect household items to ensure they would have the things they would need to embark on married life. In later years, the wedding registry became a staple of most engaged couples, and then began the process of picking out crystal, silver or china for their future household. Nowadays, with many couples deciding to live together before tying the knot, wedding registries are becoming more obsolete as most couples already have their linens and flatware.
If you already have all of the household items you can stand and you’d rather not have your friends and family feeling obligated to show up with something in their hands – you can forgo the wedding registry altogether. However, keep in mind that you run the risk of having a guest bring something you may or may not enjoy – instead of something you’re guaranteed to have liked.
Some other options for figuring out exactly how to do your registry could be registering for some gifts (since many guests like to shop off of your registry for wedding showers and other celebratory events) and having a family member spread the word that you’d really just prefer the money to either shop yourselves or to apply to an excursion during your honeymoon or some other trip if you’re the adventurous type. Most larger retailers do have an option for group gifting, so if you really would prefer to have everyone pitch in for the $400 Vitamix blender, you could do that without feeling guilty or expecting someone to buy the item all by themselves. You can also register for a bunch of smaller items and choose a few larger items for the big spenders. That way, some guests could purchase two or three things, or even collaborate with others to gift a basket of goodies your way.
Whatever you decide, just remember that wedding registries are mostly for your family and friends to buy you something and congratulate you on your special day. There is no need to feel guilty that your grandma wants to gift you those plates you’ve had your eye on in celebration of your future life together. Just remember to enjoy this process. Wedding planning can be stressful enough!
