Today we’re tackling an important topic in the wedding world – modern wedding invitation etiquette.
As you may know, the wedding traditions of the past were deeply rooted in tradition and were significantly guided by etiquette and manner author Emily Post. However, even Emily realized that times change! From keeping maiden names, stepparents, marriage equality (same-sex couples), and the like, there is a multitude of variations on modern wedding invitations that can be potentially confusing and definitely time-consuming to research and replicate. I wanted to share a few differentiations to note while addressing those invites!
If they live together: If your good college friends are in a long-term relationship without the marriage license, address the envelope by including their names and titles on the same line. Choose the person you know better to be first or simply organize them by alphabet. For your friends that are dating but don’t share a home, include their names on the same line and follow the same rules for organizing who goes first. If one person over the other prefers to handle their social engagements, include their name first.
Photo by A&M Photography
If she kept her maiden name: Be sure to note how she prefers to be addressed and then use that preference. Hyphenated or double-last names still need to be written as such and sharing the same line as her husband’s last name. I’m sure your friend will appreciate your attention to detail!
Married couples: When addressing any married couple, go with the more modern way to address them. Instead of “Mr. and Mrs. William Alright”, address them as “Mr. and Mrs. William and Sarah Alright”. It’s 2020 after all!
What about marriage equality?? If they share a last name, Mr. and Mr. (or Ms. and Ms.) is totally acceptable. If they don’t share a name, follow the same rule as straight couples who share a home. Now, if you know the lesbian couple prefers to use “Mrs.”, then use that; otherwise, traditionally, a married woman who keeps her last name is referred to as a Ms. I know it’s a little confusing, but I’m here to help!
If you are inviting an entire household: Address the envelope as such. Start with the parent or person you know best or the one that handles the social engagements and list the family on your envelope. You can always alphabetize their names as well. This also goes the opposite way. If you are not inviting their children, do not list their names on the envelope. This helps to clearly outline who you’d like as guests.
Photography by Megan Bennett Photo
Phew! These are just a few examples to show you that this can get complicated! If you or someone you know is working on their wedding invitations, be sure to consider the proper etiquette. These rules apply no matter what form of invitation you are sending – whether it be online through your website, an emailed invitation or print. Above all, if you don’t know how someone likes to be addressed – ask them. This avoids hurt feelings and shows them you care enough to go out of your way to ensure they’re comfortable. When in doubt, my general rule for clients is to heed on the formal side. This way you avoid offending any of your potential guests while still personalizing your wedding. Paying attention to the traditional etiquette can seem antiquated, but with these new modern rules, I hope it simplifies the process just a bit!
Having specific questions? Contact me today and let’s chat about it. I’d love to help!
